


All the times Dean saw him

by Catch_The_Demon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is another species, Castiel Dies, Dean Loves Castiel, F/M, Falling In Love, I Don't Even Know, Interspecies Relationship(s), John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic, Other Species, Protective Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester, Sad Dean, but he isnt physical about it, gabriel is cas' species
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3588714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catch_The_Demon/pseuds/Catch_The_Demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Dean saw him, He was lonely.<br/>The last time Dean saw him, He was terrified.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first time Dean saw Him, he was lonely.

It had almost become a type of routine. Get into your jammies, brush your teeth, and go to bed. Lock the door, cover your ears, and don’t cry. A routine. Not a good one, even the five year old could see that, but it was something constant that he could fall back on. Being five was stressful, he decided, with the social conformity being forced on him by his classmates in kindergarten and the teeth he lost. So, after a while, he began to take comfort in the yelling coming from the living room below him. In its consistency.

He didn’t want his parents to yell at all, of course. It hurt him that they argued, but it happened, and Dean was nothing if not adaptable, even if he was only five. He still held his belief that it was normal enough. After all, his friends said their parents argued sometimes, so it wasn’t too strange, right? He only worried for his baby brother Sam, he had only been born a month or so now, this could really hurt him. So it soon became part of routine that he would go collect Sam before bed, hold him tight in his little bed as the baby slept, unaware of the shouting. Of the wrongness.

Then one day it changed.

He thought everything was the same at first, oblivious to the rising voices. Where previously he had only been able to hear tiny pieces of the conversations, he could practically hear full sentences. If he had taken the time to actually listen, maybe he would have found the information offered helpful in the future. As it was, he hadn’t listened, just scooped up the squirming Sam into his arms and cradled the head to his chest, listening to hear if the adults were headed upstairs. No telltale thumping of footsteps, but rather… suddenly there seemed to be silence. Dean bristled lightly, running over to his room and shutting the door quickly. Sam made noises and tried to struggle out of his grasp, but now Dean’s attention was focused on the noise downstairs- or lack of.

Suddenly there was a harsh mutter and harsh footsteps. The front door was slammed. More footsteps. The bedroom door across the way was also slammed. There was more silence in the house that no one was used to, and Dean found himself rocking a crying Sam, trying to stave off tears as well. He half hoped someone would come to check the baby, check on him, but no one showed up.

Until there was a knock at the door.

It was a strange gesture, since his parents always walked right in, and he quickly dried his eyes on his sleeves.

“Come in.” He said softly, rocking Sam more. He didn’t know how to handle a crying baby. He always gave Sam to his mom when he was fussy. He’d take help in whatever form it gave.

The form given, however, was least of expected. A small, raven haired boy, strangely alert when most other kids his age wouldn’t be. He stood at the door, not quite coming in, but not quite out of the room. The crooked, knotted blue tie around the collar of his pajamas made Dean stare. It seemed like he was almost trying to be an adult.

“Who’re you?” He asked curiously, his mind easily distracted from Sam. Lucky enough for him, the boy drifting closer seemed to make the baby calm down. When the boy reached out to brush a tuff of hair from Sam’s forehead, he was already asleep. Dean watched, awestruck before the boy turned his attention to Dean. Blue eyes.

“You’re desolate,” He said softly.

Dean wrinkled his nose.

“No, I’m Dean Winchester.”

Blue eyes smiled. “I mean you feel lonely. Or, is scared better? I dunno.”

At which Dean felt a surge of warmth. He smiled, and after a moment Blue eyes smiled back at him. though hesitantly. Like he wasn’t used to smiling. It was pretty funny. Dean positioned Sammy carefully on the bed before turning to Blue again.

“So… What’s your name?” Blue eyes looked confused. “What should I call you?”

“Oh. I’m called, uh…” He let out a series of clicks and a stuttering call that sounded pretty. Dean watched in fascination before Blue eyes blushed. “Or… sorry, language barrier.”

Dean shook his head almost at once. “You sound pretty. I wanna learn.”

Blue eyes frowned, but said nothing for a moment, face scrunched up like he was thinking. “The translation means, um… He with blue and black, the marked.”

Dean stared at him a moment before bursting out with laughter. Blue eyes looked confused before he huffed and crossed his arms.

“Why are you laughing?”

“That’s not a name. I’ll just call you Blue for now.” Dean smiled brightly and tugged on his sleeve. “Come on, sit down. Don’t stand by the door like that, you look like you’re ready to run.”

Blue seemed hesitant, but he took the few extra steps away from the door to come in all the way. Dean’s eyes went wide when he saw the big black mass behind him, wondering what it was, before it moved and seemed to fan out. Wings. Dean laughed again, and Blue pouted.

“Why are you laughing?!” He repeated, beginning to get flustered, his wings arching on his back and fluffing up. It looked silly. Dean couldn’t help himself from reaching out.

“You have wings on your back,” He said. Blue looked appalled and tried to back away, but Dean quickly shook his head. “No! No, they’re pretty. Please come back.”

It took a while before Blue could get himself together enough to sit, looking down at Sam. His feathers were all ruffed like he was distressed. Dean frowned.

“Why are you here again?”

Blue shook his head. “You are lonely, or scared, so I’m going to help you.” He frowned suddenly. “Why are you feeling lonely or scared?”

“Lonely?” Dean shook his head, focusing on Blue’s Wings. They were relaxing now. “What’s your name, really?”

Blue frowned deeply when Dean didn’t answer, wings shifting. “I asked you my question first.”

“Well I asked louder.” Dean stuck his chin up defiantly, huffing. He reached for Cas’ wing and brushed it lightly, blinking as Blue jerked and pulled away roughly. Blue sighed through his nose.

“Alright. I can go home and ask what my name would be in your language, if you want.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah.”

“But only if you tell me why you’re feeling so lonely.”

Dean drew back, scowling at the bed lightly. “Fine,” He grumbled. “My parents have been fighting a lot, alright? And I know the other kids say their parents fight sometimes too, but not like… not like this, I know it’s not like this. And they’ve started to bring it up at other times, like not only at night. During the daytime. And tonight- tonight someone left, I think. And no one came to see me and Sammy and make sure we’re okay.”

Cas went quiet, and Dean buried himself in his knees. He looked up only when he felt something drape over his shoulders. A wing. Even though Cas didn’t like him touching them. It felt warm, and protective. Nice.

“It’s okay. Your mother and father both love you very much, I know. And the fighting is going to stop soon.” There was a pause. “I know that you’re lonely, but you still have a lot of friends. You brother is going to grow up thinking you’re a hero. And I’m not ever gonna leave you, that’s a promise.”

“Pinkie promise?”

Cas blinked down at the little pinkie finger that popped up, eyes squinted lightly. “Is that any different than a normal promise?”

“Yeah. It means you’re never ever going to break it or look for loopholes. You promise and you keep it and it’s all locked up in your pinkie and mine, case we forget.” Dean looked up at him, desperation clearly evident. He could tell from one look at Blue’s face that he couldn’t stand to say no to the boy. He slid his pinkie finger into Deans with a tiny smile.

“Okay. I pinkie promise.” Dean grinned and reached to pull him into a hug, but the boy vanished into the air, same way he came. Dean looked confused until the light came on in the hallway and his mom came in, rubbing her eyes. She smiled softly as Dean ran up to hug her.

“Hey, Sweetie. I’m sorry, I left you all alone with Sam, didn’t I?”

“Nah Ma. Sammy’s been good, he hasn’t fussed. And I haven’t been all alone.” His mom looked confused, but she didn’t mention it. Dean grinned, hugging tight before pulling away and letting his Mom go to get Sam. He smiled at her as she tucked him into bed and even after the lights went out. She kissed his forehead. Normal. She hadn’t done this since before the fighting.

“Goodnight, baby. I’ll see you in the morning.” Her voice was soft and melodic. He nodded and began drifting off, comforted too by the fact that even if she failed him again, he had Blue and his promise.

He just had to wait for a name to go with it.


	2. The second time Dean saw Him, he was praying

"Do I have to go visit him?" Dean pouted as his mom packed things up for him, his little suitcase buldging slightly. "I hate it at his house, you know that. He's mean."

Mary sighed gently, smiling as she ruffled Dean's hair gently. "Come on, Dean. He isn't that bad."

"Then why did you divorce him if he isn't that bad." Dean frowned at her when she went silent before she shook her head.

"Custody laws. You have to visit him this weekend, Dean, I can't help you. Sorry."

Dean pouted and kicked at the ground as he pulled on his jacket. He couldn't believe this. He was thirteen, for crying out loud, he should be able to make his own decisions about what to do on the weekends. Right? And he didn't want to go to his dad's that was for sure. John Winchester was an awful dad, the weekend usually was spent trying to  get food together for him and his little brother, Sammy. While he did that, John drank away the few dollars of emergency money that Dean's mom always gave him 'just in case'. In fact, she was tucking the new ten dollars into his jacket pocket now. He frowned as she kissed his forehead.

"Now Dean," She started, and Dean instantly cringed. Those were trouble words. Those were words that were said when bad news was about to be delivered. He stood his ground best he could as she continued. "Sammy is going to be at a friend's house for a play date."

That immediately sparked Dean's interest. "Who?"

"A sweet little girl his age. Jessica Moore? They're adorable together. John said he didn't mind, so you'll be alone with him this weekend."

Well. That sucked, but he was glad his brother was getting his girl. The seven year old was already enamored with this girl, he hoped that it worked out for them. He smiled slightly as he nodded. "That's fine. I want him to have fun tonight." Besides,one person was easier to feed than two people. And Sammy was a picky eater, sandwiches weren't really cutting it anymore.

Mary smiled warmly and kissed his forehead again. "There's my good boy."

Dean scoffed at her. "Mom, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm thirteen. Don't be like that." He pulled a face as Mary laughed, patting his arm gently.

"Go on, Dean. John is waiting for you out in the car."

Dean nodded, hugging her once before heading out with his suitcase rolling behind him. He shoved it into the Impala's truck before getting into the passenger seat, waving at his mom as they drove off.

* * *

Dean frowned as John lead him into the house. "You know the rules," He started, Dean sighing as he offered the money. John grinned as he took it, patting Dean's head and turning back to the door. "I made Macaroni and Cheese, it's on the stove. Heat it up."

Well. At least John wasn't being a total dick today.

Dean went back to the kitchen and started to spoon out food for himself, not bothering to warm it up as he ate mechanically, going through his suitcase for his phone. He texted Benny for a little bit- it was crap that Benny was straight, or at least thought he was straight. He and Benny would have been great together. But right now, he sorta saw his friend's view- it was boring, he didn't want to talk to him. At least not at the moment. His frown deepened as he set his phone down, ignoring the buzz as he cleared his plate.

What could he do? There wasn't much at John's house, and Dean forgot to pack his video games, so he was pretty much SOL. And, not for the first time, his thoughts turned to Blue.

He hadn't seen Blue at all since that one day when he was five. He wondered sometimes if it was just a dream, but no. It couldn't be, right? It felt too real for that. His eyes were too bright, his wings were too soft. Blue had to be real. But there was no way to contact him, what was up with that? It had been eight years, for gods sake, and not one text, not one video. What the hell?

Dean sighed, grabbing his stuff and heading up to his room, crashing there and looking at his angel figurines. His dad wasn't happy with his obsession with finding the angelic things in life, but he was sort of desperate to prove that his angel was real. He had a lot of figurines, dolls, and plushes, boys and girls. And honestly, some of them were just weird. He really had to clean out. The plushies were from back when he first met Blue, they were old. And baby-ish. But the one with the dark hair and white wings reminded him so much of blue.

He sighed, turning on his back and staring at the ceiling. He had asked Benny how someone might contact an angel, and he was told to try praying to them. Of course, that was followed with a lot of laughter and many sarcastic comments, so he never actually tried it. But Benny understood better than anyone, maybe he was trying to actually help, in that Benny way of his.

Dean closed his eyes for a moment before carefully constructing his sentences.

"Hello, Angels? This is Dean Winchester. I don't know if you've heard of me, but I know one of you. His name is, um. Something long with a lot of clicks and whistles in it. I don't speak your language, though, I'm sorry. But he has pretty blue eyes and black hair and his wings are really sofff-" HE blinked when he felt someone put their hand over his mouth, disoriented.

"Don't continue that sentence," He heard a voice growl into his ear, Dean's smile growing big as the hand removed. He looked into Blue's eyes and chuckled. 

"Do you have a name yet?" He asked, moving to sit up properly and watch Blue settle more comfortably. His wings were black, it wasn't just the darkness. Well, the plushie wasn't completely accurate, that was to be expected.

"Castiel," Blue said shortly, glaring. "You were going to tell all the angels that you can see my wings."

Dean frowned after a moment. "Is... that not a good thing?" He scooted over closer, reaching out to stroke one wing. Cas sighed and relaxed, wings slumping gently into Dean's hands.

"No, Dean. It isn't good. You aren't supposed to see my wings." Cas watched Dean comb through his feathers almost absentmindedly before sighing. "Humans aren't supposed to be able to see wings. That you can is... unthinkable. But maybe it's because I am supposed to guard you?"

Dean paused before pulling back. "What?" Suddenly all thoughts about Cas' wings were forgotten under his anger. "Hey, If you're supposed to guard me, then how come you disappeared for eight years? That wasn't very responsible of you." He glared hard.

Cas looked momentarily taken back before his face softened. "You didn't need me," He offered, to which Dean scoffed.

"Bullshit."

"You didn't need me," Cas insisted with a huff. "Besides, I haven't left you to fend on your own. I've always been around, just not physically. I'm not going to leave you, Dean. I pinkie promised, remember?" He smiled and held up his pinkie. Dean blinked at him before smiling warmly.

"Yeah, I guess you did, huh?" He grinned and began to stroke his wings again. "So, can we talk a little?" His smile fell at once when he saw Cas shake his head. "And why not, huh?"

"You don't need me," Cas said gently. "I have to go back if you don't need me. But, tomorrow. We can talk then, how about that?" He smiled and stood. "Until then, Dean." And with that he was gone, Dean staring disbelievingly at the space where he was before chuckling.

"That little bitch," He said wondrously.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, here's the next chapter.  
> Please tell me if there are any mistakes or things I need to change, I don't have a beta reader.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, first fic, getting used to having a writing style. :/ My style is very flow-y, sorry if something changes in the writing that makes it insufferable, I'm working on it. But this is basically how the rest of the stuff will go, so please stick around until the ending.


End file.
